Monday, September 06, 2010

Motivation???

It's Labour Day, the official end of summer, and I can't seem to get my butt in gear. I mean, Kaiya lies down for her nap, and Jeff says to me: "It's a holiday. You should do whatever you want to do." And I say: "Ya, but what if there is nothing I want to do?"

That's kind of been the state of affairs since our Toronto Island trip. Time to spare? Yes. Desire to do anything? No. Here's a sample of some of the things on my "to-do" list at the moment...

1. Finish digging out and mulching the garden in the back yard. This task seemed so pressing at the beginning of the summer, but now that I'm close to being done... yawn...

2. Finish critiquing that dang 30-page paper I've had looming over my head for a week. (yes, I'm paid to do that. Is that motivating me right now? Nah.)

3. Continue purging. The house. And all its contents. Normally, this is a very rewarding task for me, but apart from my bedroom closet and the bathroom closet, I haven't made much of a dent lately.

4. Email a random list of people who sent me messages sometime in the past month that I have yet to respond to.

5. Can more tomatoes and cook up massive quantities of chicken broth to freeze.

6. Blog about our trip to Toronto. (Eeek - low motivation is even affecting my desire to blog!)

I think part of the problem is that we don't have a definitive "start" to the fall this year. For the first time in a couple of years, Jeff does not have an LTO, meaning that he has no class to set up, meaning that he won't start working till the phone starts ringing with supply requests. And supply teaching does not exactly make Jeff's heart go "pitter-patter." Especially not after the success he has had in having his own classes for the last 2+ years. But don't get me started... And then there's me. Although I have a teaching job, I'm not completely sure about the start date. (Trust me, in contract ESL, that's so not a weird thing.) I know I have a meeting about it tomorrow, and I'm assuming I'll be starting in a week, but till I know for sure, what's the use in prepping? Especially since it's three sections of ONE course... and a course I already taught last fall.

Of course, there's one thing I haven't mentioned yet. And that's number 7 on my list (which is actually, silently, number 1). A huge, motivation-sucking mental block. And that's a certain resume and cover letter that I need to write and get in by September 10th. An action that could mean nothing, but that could also completely change our little family's existence. Yes, I think... I think... that it may just be time to finally apply for that job in Qatar. There is no easy way to announce this decision. But to be honest, part of our motivation (I'm talking me and Jeff right now) is our LACK of motivation as of late. It's been an amazing summer, but now the summer is over, and we keep getting this nagging feeling that it's time to move on. The job scene is hopping in Qatar, and of course, it helps that we have friends there - Darren and Larissa - and possibly, in the future, Kate.

You can blame Kate, really. It was her innocent email during our week in Toronto that started it all. "Did you check the website? Did you see the job posting? Are you applying? I think I am." Her simple letter came at just the time we were starting to look ahead to our fall and winter. And it caused just enough pause to make us say, "Oh heck, why not?"

My mind is full, but this post will stop here for now. I know that all week I'll be flip-flopping back and forth, weighing a thousand monstrous to minuscule thoughts, as I'm so good at doing. What if this? What if that? But ultimately, I'm going to apply. We'll deal with the rest later.

So ask me how I feel after September 10th. I have a feeling life will somehow feel lighter, and more motivating. Or at least I sure do hope so. Otherwise, the bathroom will never be cleaned again!

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